by Joseph Rossi
Oh, what new hell is this.
The Lone Ranger is a disaster of tone. It doesn’t know what it wants to be; a comedy, an action film, an ode to a time gone by. Basically a carbon copy of the over blown Pirates of the Caribbean movies, this flick is the latest attempt to unleash a new Johnny Depp character onto the world as well as try to make a billion dollars.
How could this be bad? What a property! A western by mega movie guru Jerry Bruckheimer. It has Gore Verbinski, a director who is at home with genre films. Johnny Depp and the newly hot Armie Hammer as it’s stars. It has all the makings of pure Hollywood entertainment. But this isn’t entertainment. It’s a nightmare.
At two and a half hours long, this beast exists solely to find it’s way through overblown set pieces and bad (really bad) dialogue to get to the rip roaring 30 minute finale set aboard a steam engine. And when it comes, the movie finally becomes what it’s supposed to be — fun. But for the first two hours, well, I’d rather drive nails through my feet.
The movie is called The Lone Ranger. Why? Johnny Depp gets top billing. His Tonto is the more interesting character. Spending the majority of the film with a dead bird attached to his head, he wanders the west, spouting off Johnny Deppisms as he hooks up with Armie Hammer’s John Reid. This being a somewhat revisionist western, Johnny’s Tonto is treated with a great deal more respect then old time movies. The same can be sadly said of the Lone Ranger character. Hammer looks the part, but plays him like a buffoon. From what I remember, the character was a man’s man, a true western hero. Here, he’s played for laughs. Every chance the film gets to let this character become the icon we hope to see and some hope to remember, the filmmakers put him down with some mocking line or embarrassed look from other characters. It’s like they castrated the Lone Ranger.
The film does look great. Lensing and design are all top notch. What do you expect from 200 million bucks? The supporting cast fares better. Points to William Fichtner for playing the evil dude with a taste for human flesh. He’s having fun. Speaking of flesh, this is marketed as a family movie so prepare to have your kids visit a therapist because this is one violent mess. Native American genocide, shootings, gore, someone eats a human heart, etc.
I hated this movie. This is irresponsible filmmaking because I don’t feel passion. I don’t mind bloat and spectacle if there is some passion behind it. Here, I just sense that the people involved where looking for a payday.
