by Andreas Kessaris for Curtains Up!
“Have fun storming the castle!”
-“Miracle Max” from The Princess Bride
Billy Crystal has been around show business for over forty years. He is truly a survivor who has done it all: From TV and film actor, to stand-up comedian, writer, producer, director, and Broadway star; although he is probably best known as the nine-time host of the Academy Awards broadcast, and for the over-used and annoying mid-eighties catchphrase “you look mah-velous.” While never becoming a huge star, he has worked steadily, his name and face are recognizable and along the way he has picked up a several awards and honors. But what’s more he has been many places, seen many things, and known many famous people. Finally he has put all his experiences, both personal and professional, into the memoire Still Foolin’ ‘Em: Where I’ve Been, Where I’m Going, and Where the Hell Are My Keys?
Like the title suggests, Crystal conveys his life story, both personal and professional, and muses about getting older. Fortunately for us, he is terse on all accounts and for the most part does not drone on with endless, unnecessary details, (although there is one puzzling exception: For some reason he spends over a page explaining to us who boxer Muhammad Ali is with a mini bio, as if we didn’t know the story already. His main fan-base are people my age or older, so why is he telling us something we are certain to already know? He also mentions Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio and Willie Mays without encapsulating their life stories, and Ali is more famous than any of them. Who does Crystal think he is writing this book for? But I digress). Crystal’s comedic roots are evident in his smooth, quick pacing and delivery; constantly throwing one-liners at us like a vaudevillian on speed, (my favorite being “masturbating is the worst type of high school reunion”). Some jokes are tired clichés, but there are more than a few times I laughed out loud.
While the sections on his family, like his daughter’s wedding, the passing of his Uncle Berns, and the birth of his grandchildren, are well-written and not overly-sentimental or sugar-coated, they are no different than anyone else’s life, (which Crystal goes so far as to admit). There is, of course, nothing wrong with that, but those chapters bored me. He is a devoted family man who has never had a messy divorce, been to rehab, or even been arrested. While that sets a good example for Lindsay Lohan, it does not make for interesting reading. What’s the point of learning about another person’s history if it is not all that different from my own? Crystal’s observations of domestic life have few original insights and fails to offer much that we haven’t heard before.
The professional (and by that I mean not relating specifically to his family) passages were, at least to me, preferable to the personal, notably the sections concerning his friendships with Muhammad Ali and Mickey Mantle, which were especially engaging and comprised the best parts of the book. Also his stories of unpleasant encounters with the likes of Orson Welles and Joe DiMaggio made for interesting reading, and I couldn’t help but prefer that Still Foolin’ ‘Em contained more sections with similar stories, like a comical yarn concerning comedian Redd Foxx I saw him tell on a late night talk show years ago, but that wasn’t even alluded to in the book.
Billy Crystal is thoroughly likable and it shows in Still Foolin’ ‘Em. Yes, at times the book is a fun and captivating read, but too often not more amusing or deep than one of his appearances on The Late Show with David Letterman, and at times it is like listening to a distant relative who has had few too many drinks tell you your family’s history at a wedding reception you would rather have not attended. For a superior, same era comedic bio I would recommend Born Standing Up by Steve Martin.
