by Andreas Kessaris for Curtains up!
The following is an open letter to Jenny Lawson a.k.a. The Blogess:
Dear Ms. Lawson,
Recently a co-worker strongly recommended your book Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) to me claiming it is the funniest book she has ever read. So imagine my surprise when your effort left me laugh-less and bewildered.
I feel compelled to inform you, Ms. Lawson, that what works on a short internet blog does not necessarily translate to the printed page. Being silly, quirky and whimsical in and of itself is not funny, nor are words like “f*%@” and “vagina.” Perhaps you grew up in an environment where a profanity was rarely uttered, (unlike myself, where every other word either of my parents said was a curse, usually aimed at each other), but if a person laughs because they are uncomfortable or so shocked and they don’t know what else to do it is not the same as when they laugh because they found something to be humorous.
Also please note that a book is not a television broadcast and we do not require a laugh track or applause sign to cue us how and when we should have some kind of reaction, so please stop italicizing words to let us know where the jokes are; you should trust us to find them ourselves.
And. Also. Your. Use. Of. One. Word. Sentences. Is. Most. Annoying. And. Not. Funny. AND YOU SHOULD BE FINED FOR YOUR MISUSE OF CAPITALIZATION. Once again trust us to decide what is funny and noteworthy for ourselves.
Furthermore your self-awareness is akin to a television show breaking the fourth wall; it can be done effectively, but unfortunately you failed. It was, in fact, irritating, distracting, and worst of all, witless. Also please stop using fake editor’s notes. No competent, professional editor would allow you to do what you did in Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.
I grant you that your life story is interesting, as are the characters around you. But the subject alone is not what makes something funny, it is how you arrive there. Take for example, David Sedaris, whose latest book I read just before yours. He could make something as mundane as tying your shoelaces or ordering a sandwich hilarious. Your lack of writing skill turned a potential gold mine into another Bre-X scandal. As well your is devoid of any original insight or observations.
In short, you book represents everything that’s wrong with essay writing today. People think just because they can hack something on the internet that can attract attention it means they are good writers. I’m sorry to say that is often not the case (like another bad book I read a few years ago called Jump the Shark).
I will say this: The parts of your book that I enjoyed best and found the most inspired and well-written were the more serious segments about you being homesick, your dog dying and your attempts to have a child. I wished there were more passages like those.
Will people still be reading your book 50 years from now? Only time will tell. For now I suggest you read some David Sedaris, Erma Bombeck, and even Dave Barry, and get a better sense of how it’s done.
Yours truly,
Andreas
